Survivor Poetry
Please feel free to email me any poetry you have written in your healing process and I will add it to my page. Art is
an amazing escape for many people. If you have any artwork you created in your healing process that you want to
share please feel to send that to me as well.
Twenty-four long years on this earth,
and still no one knows how much it hurts.
I keep the awful truth hidden inside,
as I let friends pass me by.
Feeling distant and feeling spaced,
no longer part of the human race.
Where is that girl I used to know,
where did all her strength go?
One night and one mistake,
how much abuse do I need to take?
Even though he isn't here,
I can still feel his breath on my ear.
All the awful things he said,
bounce around inside my head.
When will I let people in,
and realize it's not my sin?
My prayer at night is always the same,
that during the night I will finally die of shame.
All I want is one person to understand,
to talk to me and hold my hand.
Instead I sit here with my tears,
fearful of the next twenty-four years.
My friends don't like the way I act,
but I can't bring the old me back.
Until I can deal with the past,
no relationsip can last.
So I must try to open up,
and trust my friends to pick me up.
So a promise to myself today,
I will find a better way.
- Nikki
Waste of a beautiful girl
she used to be a dreamer in a small country town
she dreamed of finding love and settling down
she was a pretty little girl, blonde hair and blue eyes
back then she was innocent, not beaten by lies
to become a success was her longterm plan
erased in an instant by angry man's hand
four years she would spend sitting alone
her love held her captive in her own home
and the guys passing by said such a waste
a secluded young girl with a beautiful face
maybe someday she'll get out of this place
she finally bent the bars of her cage
no longer held by her lovers rage
she decided to get back to her dreams
but life is never as it seems
forced to the floor and then to the bed
her sight went dim and her body played dead
as her friends passed by they said such a waste
an outgoing young girl took a fall from grace
maybe someday the light will come back to her face
alone with her nightmares and her pain
she would never be the same again
all her neighbors heard the sound
of a fallen angel touching the ground
as her mother passed by she said such a waste
looking down at the girl surrounded by lace
surely there is a better way out of this place
~Nikki
Drowning in Sadness
Building up inside my chest
cannot seem to take a breath
can you drowned in pain and shame?
face pushed down in all the blame
parts of sadness fill my day
I cannot seem to get away
I've picked the pieces up before
I cannot do it anymore
I feel much heavier today
so much more than yesterday
Who knew pain carried so much weight
Is it more than I can take?
A rock is forming in my chest
against my heart it seems to press
A fear I have when I get older
will this pain become a boulder?
~Nikki
as i lay here in my silence
the darkness seems too deep
for me to ever escape
as i wait for my turn to weep
as time goes by
the night still pains me
when my willful trust
was violated so hastily
i refuse my voice
as friends wonder why
i'm not the same anymore
and why i always cry
but i finally realized
that it wasnt my mistake
and i needed to talk again
for my well-being was at stake
things are looking brighter
a little more each day
as my friends help me
slowly ridding me of dismay.
~~~~~~
~Elise
Look at me
Now that I am sitting here in your coldness.
Look at me now while I breath in your slavery.
While I lay in black as if it were the mother of all colors.
As the days flash back to the next and forth again.
I'm done with you, now I am treated like a rag doll.
To analyze your suction, to try again some other day.
If I'm nothing but a doll, please let me know.
Look at me now, now that the drugs have eaten away.
Away at your artificial exsistance.
-Haullie
Nothing Can Stop Me Now
No cast iron shell
over this flesh
her flesh was a pretty pink.
And cold like the orange
but nothing can stop me now
nothing can stop me now
nothing can stop me now, because I feel
-Haullie
HIM
HE ONLY HAS ONE NAME
HE DOES NOT NOT CARE ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE
HE ONLY WANTS SATISFYING
HE DANCES WITH YOU
HE KNOWS YOUR NAME
HE SEE'S YOU HAS HIS PREY
HE KNOWS YOU BY FACE
HE WILL GRAB YOU WHEN YOU SAY NO
HE WILL STALK YOU AFTERWARDS
HE MAKES YOU GO INTO A STATE OF SILENCE
HE SAYS SHE WAS WILLING
SHE KNOWS IT WASN'T
HE WILL BE FREE TO DO IT AGAIN.
~Terri
I’m laying here in my comfy bed
It doesn't help...
I can’t get this shit out of my head
Will it ever go away?
Or is it here to stay?
I have to live with this for the rest of my life...
Gotta put up with everyone’s gripe
Gods here for me he’s pulling me through
But will this deep fear ever go away?
When will my head quit spinning?
When will my body quit shaking?
When will I be me again?
When will I look forward to the day ahead?
When will I realize it wasn’t my fault?
That he did this to me...
And had no right at all!
But still I bet he actually sleeps at night...
I bet his nightmares aren’t as bad as mine (If he has any @
all)
I bet he doesn’t have flashbacks that make him SCREAM and
CRY
And BREAK DOWN and wanna DIE!
I bet when he's out having fun he doesn't all of a sudden feel
real glum!
I’m so scared not even my own mother can help me
She’s even scared herself
Could you imagine your own daughter being raped by
someone you invited into
your house? Someone who put on an act just to get you out!
I bet he doesn’t have to watch his mom cry (B/c she thinks its
all her fault b/c she trusted the guy)
Shit…I bet he has never seen his dad cry
Well…for the 1st time…I have!
He’s ruined my life and I want it back so bad
I know I can get it back but it ain’t gonna be the same
Maybe that’s a good thing...
Maybe not…
I don’t want people to feel sorry for me
I don’t want people to hate me
I didn’t do anything wrong…
So why do people yell at me? Call me a bitch?
I can’t explain the feelings inside me right now
Their deep soooo deep too deep
I can’t even cry anymore
I’ve cried so much!
But whats weird is I have so many tears left!
So Im sitting here with this dumbass look on my face
Wondering…what the hell…why me?
Why do I have to hurt like this?
This hurts more than loosing a loved one…
Well…I guess its b/c lost a piece of myself…
I hate him for this…
Just think…
If he didn’t exsist…
I would be fine and wouldn’t be going through this shit…
My life would be so much better…
But Gods doing this to me for some reason
And hopefully I’ll find out what that good reason is……….
By Ashlee B.